Monday, March 8, 2010
Heaven
HEAVEN is right here on the internet. And if it's as JPEG-awesome as it seems, I know I want to go there when I die.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
I am an ordained minister: Or, pay me to marry you.
I sent off the final paperwork to get my legal ordainment after becoming a minister in the Church of the SubGenius. No, it's not an internet church. It's a mail-order church! They just moved to the internet.
I've been a fan/follower of the Church for a long time, reading books and watching videos since I was a teenager, but I never bothered to actually send in the money and get ordained. Until now.
Supposedly, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs started the church in the '50s, but it didn't really start to grow until the late '70s. It's all about Slack, and the lack thereof. The Pinks have stolen our Slack and we want it back. Who can help? J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, but only after a one-time fee of $30. Is this a rip-off? Could be, but it comes with a guarantee: "Eternal salvation or TRIPLE your money back!" So, if you find yourself at the gates of Hell come that day, "Bob" Dobbs will personally greet you with a check for $90. Of course, being as he is the greatest salesman ever he will also sell you his book "How to Enjoy Hell for Five Cents an Eternity" for $89.95.
I learned about the Church as a kid watching Night Flight on the USA network back in the early '80s when cable was full of late-night weirdness. Also, a commercial was aired on Mtv in the early '90s, before they became a corporate whore of Jersey Shore stupidity.
I don't want to be "pink" to "Bob," so I paid my dues, and now I'm a minister.
Rev. Dr. Potato.
I'm sure there are precious few SubGenii or Discordians in Lincoln, so my clench (congregation) consists of just me for now, but if there are any others out there, I'd like to know. We can get together and watch Arise! and whatever else SubGenii do.
The point of the story is that, since I am a SubGenius minister, I can marry people! For money. Also, I accept money for nothing. PayPal welcome.
Praise "Bob."
(Dobbshead is a registered Trademark os the SubGenius Foundation)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
How else would you make it?
The boredom must have hit a peak, because I decided to cook and write about it. Also, I am trying to clean out my freezer and had a whole chicken taking up a lot of space. Either way, you get to read about my cooking adventure! I call it...
ROAST CHICKEN!!!
First, pull the skin gently away from the muscle and put oil over every single cm of that bird. Slice a lemon and put the slices under the skin, along with some butter. The real kind, not that "margarine" stuff. We only live once and your arteries want to work for their keep. Fill the cavity with the rest of the lemon and more butter.
Salt, pepper, and sage on the outside, followed by fresh rosemary put into each cavity, in the armpits and poke a few holes in the skin where the largest muscles are and stick a sprig in there too. And we're done!
Except we're not. What you should have done first is made a mirepoix. Mirepoix? Yes, mirepoix. If you'd clicked that link I wouldn't have to explain it, but... alas, here I am, typing that mirepoix is a simple mix of two parts white onion, one part carrot, and one part celery. Mix some butter with that stuff in a pan until it starts to soften and then throw it in the bottom of your roasting pan. For my version, I mix some tomato paste and sauce in there too along with some red wine vinegar. The mirepoix will cook underneath the chicken and further flavour the bird.
So, now we have the chicken sitting on top of our tomato mirepoix with enough green sticking out of it to make it look like it was attacked by a rabid evergreen tree and lemons tucked under the skin everywhere it'll fit. More oil, garlic and an oven set at 350 for about 1.5 hours will do the trick.
See? You've just made the best roast chicken you've had all day and all you had to do was read some shut-in college student's blog to do it!
I fully expect to hear that this is just like everyone else's recipe, but I don't care. I'm special. My mom told me so all the time.
I would recommend a good pinot noir with this chicken, because you'll undoubtedly want to show this off by entertaining, and pinot noir will not only complement the palate, but impress your company because you drink wine (high class!). I am not drinking wine tonight because I have a cold and I wouldn't be able to taste it (even though I got that bottle just for this). I... also won't be able to taste the chicken, but I assure you it is astounding. If you are in any way unsatisfied with this recipe your next visit to the PotatoBlog is absolutely free. My guarantee.
ROAST CHICKEN!!!
First, pull the skin gently away from the muscle and put oil over every single cm of that bird. Slice a lemon and put the slices under the skin, along with some butter. The real kind, not that "margarine" stuff. We only live once and your arteries want to work for their keep. Fill the cavity with the rest of the lemon and more butter.
Salt, pepper, and sage on the outside, followed by fresh rosemary put into each cavity, in the armpits and poke a few holes in the skin where the largest muscles are and stick a sprig in there too. And we're done!
Except we're not. What you should have done first is made a mirepoix. Mirepoix? Yes, mirepoix. If you'd clicked that link I wouldn't have to explain it, but... alas, here I am, typing that mirepoix is a simple mix of two parts white onion, one part carrot, and one part celery. Mix some butter with that stuff in a pan until it starts to soften and then throw it in the bottom of your roasting pan. For my version, I mix some tomato paste and sauce in there too along with some red wine vinegar. The mirepoix will cook underneath the chicken and further flavour the bird.
So, now we have the chicken sitting on top of our tomato mirepoix with enough green sticking out of it to make it look like it was attacked by a rabid evergreen tree and lemons tucked under the skin everywhere it'll fit. More oil, garlic and an oven set at 350 for about 1.5 hours will do the trick.
See? You've just made the best roast chicken you've had all day and all you had to do was read some shut-in college student's blog to do it!
I fully expect to hear that this is just like everyone else's recipe, but I don't care. I'm special. My mom told me so all the time.
I would recommend a good pinot noir with this chicken, because you'll undoubtedly want to show this off by entertaining, and pinot noir will not only complement the palate, but impress your company because you drink wine (high class!). I am not drinking wine tonight because I have a cold and I wouldn't be able to taste it (even though I got that bottle just for this). I... also won't be able to taste the chicken, but I assure you it is astounding. If you are in any way unsatisfied with this recipe your next visit to the PotatoBlog is absolutely free. My guarantee.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Apologies
To both of you. I'm bored and boring. It's been a long winter of staying inside, so, honestly, there's not been anything to post. I'm ready for spring. I want to play outside. My GF and I are moving into a new house in April in a moderately lively neighborhood, so maybe there will be some springtime adventures. But, I'm ready for winter to be over. Too much, too much. I need to do something exciting and I owe it to the two or three of you that read this site to post something eventually. Just stay with me.
As for spring, does anyone have any big plans or exciting ideas? If anyone still reads this, post 'em below.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year!
Got this little beaut' at the antique store for a cool buck. A lot of great '60s jazz for burlesque and striptease. Also picked up a new tiki mug for the collection and a weird sign for the future tiki bar. Can't wait to move.
So, what'd everyone do for New Year's Eve? I came home to a great meal and drank some wine and stayed home (when did I get so old?!), then woke up today for a brunch with some friends. Nothing wrong with that. Anyone see any good shows or parties?
Happy 2010!
Monday, December 21, 2009
And a happy Saturnalia to you too!
The War on Christmas(tm) came to Lincoln today, I noticed on my way home from work. A large crowd of idiots were gathered on the corner of 27th and Superior, all wearing shirts that said, "It's Okay to Say Merry Christmas!" and holding signs, etc. I'm sorry to jump back into the PotatoBlog on a negative note, especially during the happiest time of the year, but this crap bothers me to no end.
You know what, folks? It IS okay to say Merry Christmas. And people do. It's ALSO okay to say Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Solstice, or Eid Mubarek, or New Years, or Happy Saturnalia, or any of the other numerous holidays that happen during this time of year. But it's easier to just say Happy Holidays. That way we can actually be inclusive of the many people in this country who may not be Christians, OR just open it up so we are wishing happiness for more than just one day.
I'll admit it's not all Christians, but there is a large number who subscribe to a martyr complex that need to feel oppressed somehow, that somehow their 87% of the population is being held down somehow by society. These wannabe sufferers are the ones who are convinced that there is a War on Christmas(tm), and that the world is out to remove Christ from Christmas by people saying Happy Holidays.
Well, as a non-Christian, I can assure you that the reason I say Happy Holidays is not to remove Christmas, or Christ, or Jesus, or anything else. I'm being INCLUSIVE of others who may also wish to have a good celebration month. How ignorant would I be if I was Jewish and demanded that people say Happy Hanukkah to me? Well, it's just as stupid to demand others to respond by your celebration. A LOT of religions have celebrations and holidays (again, you're upset with people saying the term HOLY days?) in December and the true Christmas spirit would be to wish well on EVERYONE, not demand them pay homage to your chosen faith.
I'm not religious anymore. But, this time of year I feel a little bit happier, and I try to be a little bit nicer to EVERYONE, even if I don't agree with their religion. I still call it Christmas, and I celebrate a Christmas of my own, and I'll tell people Merry Christmas, but to get upset if someone doesn't..? There is a "Christmas spirit," and it's still practiced by some people, but when the religious wackos complain about people trying to ruin Christmas, you know who it is that's truly ruining it? It's those very folks. The ones who demand that everyone pay respect and respond only to their brand of holiday and can't show a little respect to anyone different than themselves are the ones ruining Christmas.
That's my rant. Be nice to each other and don't be ignorant. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Indian Cave
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nemaha_Half-Breed_Reservation
(On the way to the park)
Indian Cave Park is one of my favourite places in this state and I doubt that many of the visitors have ever really dug deep into the history of this area. Of course there's a cave, there are petroglyphs, there's a river, etc., but there's also the remnants of what was given as a half-breed reservation. If you know where to look in the park you will find two cemeteries. One is wide-open and well kept, obviously for the monied, but there's another, off in a trail, at the edge of a small cliff, overcome with weeds and trees, easy to miss and hard to find, even for those who are looking. This is the half-breed cemetery of St. Deroin.
(The cave)
(Petroglyphs, 1500 years old)
(Petroglyphs, twenty years old)
This land was turned into the town of St. Deroin after white men killed the half-breed James Deroin over his trading post there. The town had been running for some time, and at its most successful held about 300 people to service those who came down the river. But that river turned on the residents after a flood in 1911, wiping out most of the town save for only two buildings. The one-room schoolhouse and a small mill are all that's left of St. Deroin besides the two cemeteries. Look for this half-breed cemetery after you've walked the fenced in white family's cemetery for an eye-opening look at how even when Indians had been given the land, whites just couldn't keep their hands clear or their prejudices free.
(One of two remaining buildings from St. Deroin)
(A weird 3-D effect of the schoolhouse modeled by my beautiful girlfriend)
On your way to the park you'll see a small arrow pointing toward a general store. Follow it to another arrow and you'll eventually find a village composed of roughly three blocks next to each other. Feel brave enough and you'll go into an unmarked, white block of a building to enter this store. You'll be greeted by one of the descendants of Antonine Barada, the founder of this little village that bears his last name. The store hasn't changed much since it was built a century ago. Homemade shelves hold soap and cereal for the two dozen people that still live in Barada, as well as anyone who felt courageous enough to drive to this spooky little burg. Each item is priced by hand and the owner, who lives in the black of the store, will add up your items by hand before cashing you out of a coffee can full of change.
(A happy dog playing before dinner)
(Dinner)
I've eaten with this lady, as well as two of her daughters and she is one of the nicest people you will ever meet, if she's still around to greet you. The store looks a lot like something out of Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but please stop by this store if you are ever in the area.
(White settlers' graves)
(Far away, on a hill, half-breed cemetery)
According to legend, Barada was founded after a Parisian, Michael Barada, fell in love with an Indian woman based solely on her voice. After he learned her name he also learned she had been shipped back to the United States. He followed, taking up trapping in his quest to search for his lost love. Making it to Nemaha County, he heard her name from inside a tipee and met the young woman's mother inside. After being reintroduced, the two married and she bore Antonine, who was supposedly strong enough to wrestle a man with only his toes and could pound a spike into the ground hard enough with his bare hands to cause water to shoot 50 ft in the air. Thankfully this little town was spared any ravages of a turning river and the few buildings are still pretty much exactly as they were when built, run by the same families that built them.
(Breakfast)
Just some stories. If you have any intentions of going down that way any time soon, open up your mental history books and stop by St. Deroin and Barada. Nebraska has some great history.
(Howard's Grocery in Barada)
(On the way to the park)
Indian Cave Park is one of my favourite places in this state and I doubt that many of the visitors have ever really dug deep into the history of this area. Of course there's a cave, there are petroglyphs, there's a river, etc., but there's also the remnants of what was given as a half-breed reservation. If you know where to look in the park you will find two cemeteries. One is wide-open and well kept, obviously for the monied, but there's another, off in a trail, at the edge of a small cliff, overcome with weeds and trees, easy to miss and hard to find, even for those who are looking. This is the half-breed cemetery of St. Deroin.
(The cave)
(Petroglyphs, 1500 years old)
(Petroglyphs, twenty years old)
This land was turned into the town of St. Deroin after white men killed the half-breed James Deroin over his trading post there. The town had been running for some time, and at its most successful held about 300 people to service those who came down the river. But that river turned on the residents after a flood in 1911, wiping out most of the town save for only two buildings. The one-room schoolhouse and a small mill are all that's left of St. Deroin besides the two cemeteries. Look for this half-breed cemetery after you've walked the fenced in white family's cemetery for an eye-opening look at how even when Indians had been given the land, whites just couldn't keep their hands clear or their prejudices free.
(One of two remaining buildings from St. Deroin)
(A weird 3-D effect of the schoolhouse modeled by my beautiful girlfriend)
On your way to the park you'll see a small arrow pointing toward a general store. Follow it to another arrow and you'll eventually find a village composed of roughly three blocks next to each other. Feel brave enough and you'll go into an unmarked, white block of a building to enter this store. You'll be greeted by one of the descendants of Antonine Barada, the founder of this little village that bears his last name. The store hasn't changed much since it was built a century ago. Homemade shelves hold soap and cereal for the two dozen people that still live in Barada, as well as anyone who felt courageous enough to drive to this spooky little burg. Each item is priced by hand and the owner, who lives in the black of the store, will add up your items by hand before cashing you out of a coffee can full of change.
(A happy dog playing before dinner)
(Dinner)
I've eaten with this lady, as well as two of her daughters and she is one of the nicest people you will ever meet, if she's still around to greet you. The store looks a lot like something out of Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but please stop by this store if you are ever in the area.
(White settlers' graves)
(Far away, on a hill, half-breed cemetery)
According to legend, Barada was founded after a Parisian, Michael Barada, fell in love with an Indian woman based solely on her voice. After he learned her name he also learned she had been shipped back to the United States. He followed, taking up trapping in his quest to search for his lost love. Making it to Nemaha County, he heard her name from inside a tipee and met the young woman's mother inside. After being reintroduced, the two married and she bore Antonine, who was supposedly strong enough to wrestle a man with only his toes and could pound a spike into the ground hard enough with his bare hands to cause water to shoot 50 ft in the air. Thankfully this little town was spared any ravages of a turning river and the few buildings are still pretty much exactly as they were when built, run by the same families that built them.
(Breakfast)
Just some stories. If you have any intentions of going down that way any time soon, open up your mental history books and stop by St. Deroin and Barada. Nebraska has some great history.
(Howard's Grocery in Barada)
Sunday, November 8, 2009
We now return to our regularly scheduled programming
Halloween's long gone and the pumpkins have started to collapse. So, now we have that lull in between one great holiday and the next which we call Autumn. Some people like summer for swimming or who-knows-what, but, other than spring for the same reason, my favourite time of year to be outside is now.
The leaves change color and, as Goldilocks would put it, the weather is "just right." Warm when the sun's out, but cool enough no one's sweating and the crisp chill sweeps across when the sun goes down.
I just got back from camping at Indian Cave, so to tide you over until I get to those pictures here are a couple from Wilderness Park last weekend. Ain't it grand?
Probably my favourite season.
The leaves change color and, as Goldilocks would put it, the weather is "just right." Warm when the sun's out, but cool enough no one's sweating and the crisp chill sweeps across when the sun goes down.
I just got back from camping at Indian Cave, so to tide you over until I get to those pictures here are a couple from Wilderness Park last weekend. Ain't it grand?
Probably my favourite season.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
October 31st
I don't mean to disparage what is supposedly a huge money-maker for the Lincoln Children's Zoo, but Boo at the Zoo was pretty bad. Six bucks per person and an additional $3 for a kid to get treats to basically shuffle us through a trail like cattle without seeing any animals save a sleeping reindeer and some birds it was too dark to identify. It took us longer to walk to the zoo than the time we were in it.
(Pet Semetary?)
(Kid learned the hard way where the camels go in the winter)
(I'm not really sure what this picture is)
But, we brought the niece and nephew back to the house for scary-ish kids movies like The Monster Squad...
Carved a pumpkin and made some cookies that were scarier after they came out of the oven.. It was still a family good time.
It's certainly not been an October for the record books, but it was still a good one. Halloween is almost over and I'm not doing a thing. I think I'm all Halloweened out. That, and being worn out from a night of children entertaining and waking up early for work on Saturday morning. I'm going to kick back, hopefully watch the Phillies take NY (it's not looking so good right now) and go to bed early sipping on some leftover Jones Soda Spoookiwi. By the time most of you read this the page will be put back to normal and the countdown officially over for 2009.
Happy Halloween, everybody. Hope it was a good one.
(Cornelius has had enough)
Friday, October 30, 2009
I got a rock.
Well, it's not been the greatest of weeks for the PotatoBlog Halloween Countdown. The weather ruined most of my good ideas for subject matter and school and illness made posting here the least of my worries. I just quit.
But, I won't completely end on a low note and have to write something for the 31st, so we'll see you back here tomorrow. For now... Charlie Brown. The Great Pumpkin.
I have never seen this show. Ever. It is on every single year and I've still not seen it. I even bought it this year and put it on tonight for my nephew and still managed to miss it. I know what it's about vicariously, but have yet to actually sit down and watch it. I'll be honest, it kinda feels like a devout Catholic missing Easter Mass every year for random reasons.
It's almost like waiting for the Great Pumpkin and never seeing it, year after year. For all they know, the Great Pumpkin did show up and they were too busy with other things to see it right behind them. That's "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" for me.
Do I want to watch it? Do I need to? At this point, after so many years, it's nearly a tradition for me to miss it. How would it feel? Would it be a real Halloween?
I need to know by tomorrow. There's one day left. What do you think I should do? Watch it, or never watch it?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
HALLOWEEN TOYS!!!
Is it just me or did I get lazy? The cold air and the rain have kinda caused Halloween to lose some of its excitement of late and I just didn't have it in me. For a day I almost longed for Christmas! But then it went away...
It's still October, so that means more Halloween Countdown! In today's edition, boys and girls, we'll be talking about toys. More importantly, the companies that decided that Halloween was a good enough reason to take their normally mundane wares and make then spookified!
Exhibit A: The Slinky
We all remember the Slinky. Why, "[It] walks down stairs, alone or in pairs and makes a slinkity sound[.] A spring, a spring, a marvelous thing, everyone knows it’s Slinky…” Of course, mine was metal and we all assuredly poked our eyes out with it or stuck it in our little sister's Easy Bake Oven or some such dangerous activity that caused it to now be plastic. Alas, plasticity gave the venerable Slinky the ability to now be multi-colored. And what better colors for October than orange and black. You can buy this treat with either black or orange on the outside and the reverse on the inverse.
And if Toy Story taught us anything, we know that every toy box includes at least one of Exhibit B:
(Mr Potato Head!)
Yes, old man Head has decided to dress up this season as his favourite haunt - the Vampyre, complete with glow-in-the-dark eyes and fangs. Not gonna lie, it's caused me to rubberneck at least once this month as I forget he's on the counter and I see something staring at me from the dark.
Hot Wheels usually jumps into the Halloween spirit with some racing hearse or a skulled-out hot rod (what I wouldn't give for a Dragula Hot Wheel), so of course we have Exhibit C:
(Trickin' Treats?)
We can see from a cursory glance at least two things that are wrong with this set-up, though. For one, if you give away the "secret" right on the front, it's not really a secret. I mean, at least make us open the package to tell us it was really ice water. That's a secret. Kind of. But that's not really a formula either. Unless the Mad Scientist was trying to get his race cars to change color in his lab and then thought, "AHA! If I mix two molecules of hydrogen and just one of oxygen and then lower their combined temperatures to below 0 degrees centigrade they will, by god, change colors!" and then he laughed maniacally, "Muhuhuhahahahahahaaaa!" I guess that's a formula of sorts, but I'm still not buying it.
Last among the things I decided to write about/bought is Pez. Pez has a head for everything. If we tried hard enough we could probably find a Communion Pez that gave out wafers instead of candy.
Exhibit D:
(PfeffErminZ)
There are actually a ton of these things and I even picked up some generic knock-offs called Kreepy Kliks, which I was too lazy to take a picture of, but not too lazy to steal from another site.
(Behold!)
It's not much, but it's a start. Now, assuming my young niece and nephew don't read this and ruin the surprise they'll be getting all of these toys come Halloween, but, look at that stuff... I'm thirty years old and I'm tempted to keep it all. And that, Dear Readers, is most certainly an invite to buy me things.
It's still October, so that means more Halloween Countdown! In today's edition, boys and girls, we'll be talking about toys. More importantly, the companies that decided that Halloween was a good enough reason to take their normally mundane wares and make then spookified!
Exhibit A: The Slinky
We all remember the Slinky. Why, "[It] walks down stairs, alone or in pairs and makes a slinkity sound[.] A spring, a spring, a marvelous thing, everyone knows it’s Slinky…” Of course, mine was metal and we all assuredly poked our eyes out with it or stuck it in our little sister's Easy Bake Oven or some such dangerous activity that caused it to now be plastic. Alas, plasticity gave the venerable Slinky the ability to now be multi-colored. And what better colors for October than orange and black. You can buy this treat with either black or orange on the outside and the reverse on the inverse.
And if Toy Story taught us anything, we know that every toy box includes at least one of Exhibit B:
(Mr Potato Head!)
Yes, old man Head has decided to dress up this season as his favourite haunt - the Vampyre, complete with glow-in-the-dark eyes and fangs. Not gonna lie, it's caused me to rubberneck at least once this month as I forget he's on the counter and I see something staring at me from the dark.
Hot Wheels usually jumps into the Halloween spirit with some racing hearse or a skulled-out hot rod (what I wouldn't give for a Dragula Hot Wheel), so of course we have Exhibit C:
(Trickin' Treats?)
We can see from a cursory glance at least two things that are wrong with this set-up, though. For one, if you give away the "secret" right on the front, it's not really a secret. I mean, at least make us open the package to tell us it was really ice water. That's a secret. Kind of. But that's not really a formula either. Unless the Mad Scientist was trying to get his race cars to change color in his lab and then thought, "AHA! If I mix two molecules of hydrogen and just one of oxygen and then lower their combined temperatures to below 0 degrees centigrade they will, by god, change colors!" and then he laughed maniacally, "Muhuhuhahahahahahaaaa!" I guess that's a formula of sorts, but I'm still not buying it.
Last among the things I decided to write about/bought is Pez. Pez has a head for everything. If we tried hard enough we could probably find a Communion Pez that gave out wafers instead of candy.
Exhibit D:
(PfeffErminZ)
There are actually a ton of these things and I even picked up some generic knock-offs called Kreepy Kliks, which I was too lazy to take a picture of, but not too lazy to steal from another site.
(Behold!)
It's not much, but it's a start. Now, assuming my young niece and nephew don't read this and ruin the surprise they'll be getting all of these toys come Halloween, but, look at that stuff... I'm thirty years old and I'm tempted to keep it all. And that, Dear Readers, is most certainly an invite to buy me things.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Walt Disney's "The Skeleton Dance"
Okay, so that week of posting never happened. It was a busy few days. So, I apologize to both of you. I promise to do better. There's only a few more days until Halloween, so I gotta get in gear.
In the mean time, here's Disney's The Skeleton Dance. It used to scare the bejesus out of me when I was a tyke. Now, it's just a great old cartoon and I hope it brings back as many memories for you as it did for me.
In the mean time, here's Disney's The Skeleton Dance. It used to scare the bejesus out of me when I was a tyke. Now, it's just a great old cartoon and I hope it brings back as many memories for you as it did for me.
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