We now return to our regularly scheduled programming

Halloween's long gone and the pumpkins have started to collapse. So, now we have that lull in between one great holiday and the next which we call Autumn. Some people like summer for swimming or who-knows-what, but, other than spring for the same reason, my favourite time of year to be outside is now.

The leaves change color and, as Goldilocks would put it, the weather is "just right." Warm when the sun's out, but cool enough no one's sweating and the crisp chill sweeps across when the sun goes down.

I just got back from camping at Indian Cave, so to tide you over until I get to those pictures here are a couple from Wilderness Park last weekend. Ain't it grand?





Probably my favourite season.

October 31st

I don't mean to disparage what is supposedly a huge money-maker for the Lincoln Children's Zoo, but Boo at the Zoo was pretty bad. Six bucks per person and an additional $3 for a kid to get treats to basically shuffle us through a trail like cattle without seeing any animals save a sleeping reindeer and some birds it was too dark to identify. It took us longer to walk to the zoo than the time we were in it.


(Pet Semetary?)


(Kid learned the hard way where the camels go in the winter)


(I'm not really sure what this picture is)

But, we brought the niece and nephew back to the house for scary-ish kids movies like The Monster Squad...


Carved a pumpkin and made some cookies that were scarier after they came out of the oven.. It was still a family good time.

It's certainly not been an October for the record books, but it was still a good one. Halloween is almost over and I'm not doing a thing. I think I'm all Halloweened out. That, and being worn out from a night of children entertaining and waking up early for work on Saturday morning. I'm going to kick back, hopefully watch the Phillies take NY (it's not looking so good right now) and go to bed early sipping on some leftover Jones Soda Spoookiwi. By the time most of you read this the page will be put back to normal and the countdown officially over for 2009.

Happy Halloween, everybody. Hope it was a good one.


(Cornelius has had enough)

I got a rock.

Well, it's not been the greatest of weeks for the PotatoBlog Halloween Countdown. The weather ruined most of my good ideas for subject matter and school and illness made posting here the least of my worries. I just quit.

But, I won't completely end on a low note and have to write something for the 31st, so we'll see you back here tomorrow. For now... Charlie Brown. The Great Pumpkin.

I have never seen this show. Ever. It is on every single year and I've still not seen it. I even bought it this year and put it on tonight for my nephew and still managed to miss it. I know what it's about vicariously, but have yet to actually sit down and watch it. I'll be honest, it kinda feels like a devout Catholic missing Easter Mass every year for random reasons.

It's almost like waiting for the Great Pumpkin and never seeing it, year after year. For all they know, the Great Pumpkin did show up and they were too busy with other things to see it right behind them. That's "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" for me.

Do I want to watch it? Do I need to? At this point, after so many years, it's nearly a tradition for me to miss it. How would it feel? Would it be a real Halloween?

I need to know by tomorrow. There's one day left. What do you think I should do? Watch it, or never watch it?

Halloween help from The Onion

I'm still being lazy.


How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son

HALLOWEEN TOYS!!!

Is it just me or did I get lazy? The cold air and the rain have kinda caused Halloween to lose some of its excitement of late and I just didn't have it in me. For a day I almost longed for Christmas! But then it went away...

It's still October, so that means more Halloween Countdown! In today's edition, boys and girls, we'll be talking about toys. More importantly, the companies that decided that Halloween was a good enough reason to take their normally mundane wares and make then spookified!

Exhibit A: The Slinky


We all remember the Slinky. Why, "[It] walks down stairs, alone or in pairs and makes a slinkity sound[.] A spring, a spring, a marvelous thing, everyone knows it’s Slinky…” Of course, mine was metal and we all assuredly poked our eyes out with it or stuck it in our little sister's Easy Bake Oven or some such dangerous activity that caused it to now be plastic. Alas, plasticity gave the venerable Slinky the ability to now be multi-colored. And what better colors for October than orange and black. You can buy this treat with either black or orange on the outside and the reverse on the inverse.

And if Toy Story taught us anything, we know that every toy box includes at least one of Exhibit B:


(Mr Potato Head!)

Yes, old man Head has decided to dress up this season as his favourite haunt - the Vampyre, complete with glow-in-the-dark eyes and fangs. Not gonna lie, it's caused me to rubberneck at least once this month as I forget he's on the counter and I see something staring at me from the dark.

Hot Wheels usually jumps into the Halloween spirit with some racing hearse or a skulled-out hot rod (what I wouldn't give for a Dragula Hot Wheel), so of course we have Exhibit C:

(Trickin' Treats?)

We can see from a cursory glance at least two things that are wrong with this set-up, though. For one, if you give away the "secret" right on the front, it's not really a secret. I mean, at least make us open the package to tell us it was really ice water. That's a secret. Kind of. But that's not really a formula either. Unless the Mad Scientist was trying to get his race cars to change color in his lab and then thought, "AHA! If I mix two molecules of hydrogen and just one of oxygen and then lower their combined temperatures to below 0 degrees centigrade they will, by god, change colors!" and then he laughed maniacally, "Muhuhuhahahahahahaaaa!" I guess that's a formula of sorts, but I'm still not buying it.

Last among the things I decided to write about/bought is Pez. Pez has a head for everything. If we tried hard enough we could probably find a Communion Pez that gave out wafers instead of candy.

Exhibit D:

(PfeffErminZ)

There are actually a ton of these things and I even picked up some generic knock-offs called Kreepy Kliks, which I was too lazy to take a picture of, but not too lazy to steal from another site.

(Behold!)

It's not much, but it's a start. Now, assuming my young niece and nephew don't read this and ruin the surprise they'll be getting all of these toys come Halloween, but, look at that stuff... I'm thirty years old and I'm tempted to keep it all. And that, Dear Readers, is most certainly an invite to buy me things.

Walt Disney's "The Skeleton Dance"

Okay, so that week of posting never happened. It was a busy few days. So, I apologize to both of you. I promise to do better. There's only a few more days until Halloween, so I gotta get in gear.

In the mean time, here's Disney's The Skeleton Dance. It used to scare the bejesus out of me when I was a tyke. Now, it's just a great old cartoon and I hope it brings back as many memories for you as it did for me.

Freddy Krueger Toys

I'm feeling like a week of Nightmare on Elm Street posts to make up for lost time because I could write those things without a single Google. I grew up on NoES, and for better or for worse, it was a HUGE part of my childhood. I started with the series at Part II when I was six years old. A normal parent would probably scoff or gasp at such news and assume that I must have grown up to torture small animals or light things on fire then for my early exposure to such violence! I didn't. I grew up normal, mostly. And apparently, so did a lot of other kids, because these R-rated horror gore-fests were marketed toward children! And young children at that! Maybe not the movies, but toys. Yes, toys. Children's toys. The kind of toys that children play with.

Even I had them.

Most important to me were the Freddy Spitballs.


(I wanted you to see the complicated instructions on the back)

On a hot summer day I would sit on the porch and Freddy would menacingly shoot water from a bucket at his enclosed "victim," but more often he would shoot at the Jason from the Friday the 13th version that I'm too lazy to post a picture of. The two victims were throwaways, and let's be honest, unless Freddy had unknown acid spit, how'd the victim get slices on his face from a Freddy with no arms? Something to think about.

Very similar, but for the rich kids that could do better than just a squishball of Freddy's head was the Freddy Fright Squirter!

(Does it squirt fright?)

This one was more realistic and, more important to all kids, and boys, especially as they grow up, BIGGER! I don't know if it could promise the same "scary 18ft. squirt," but it was cooler and, really, that's all that matters. Being better than your friends. Kids gotta learn that somehow.

Anyway, Freddy also had...

(The Squish'em!)

Yep. You could squish Freddy. And then he would rebound to his fully-inflated self again for another round. Also a good way to build up hand and forearm strength.


(The Stick Up)

Yes, Dear Readers, you could stick Freddy up almost anywhere with the Freddy Stick Up! And if you look carefully you'll see that it's "Horribly Authentic" too! And that's true if by "Horribly Authentic" it actually means, "This is a horribly-made toy and the guy on the packaging isn't even Freddy." What kid wouldn't notice that Freddy was not wearing his trademark red and green sweater? A tweed coat?! What, was Freddy a university professor in his downtime? The license was obviously being handed out to anyone who was willing to pay at this point.

And finally, speaking of handing out license to anyone AND Freddy in his downtime... it's the Freddy Yo-yo!

("When I'm not slaughtering teenagers I like to "walk the dog," if you know what I'm sayin'.")

Yes, we see that, not only is this a yo-yo with Freddy's mug on it, but FREDDY HIMSELF is using it! There's a very clear white line from Freddy's finger to the yo-yo and it's obviously the string, so Freddy yo-yos. Can't say I blame him. I mean, you're up all night killing people while they sleep, but what else are you going to do during the day? There's no cable in Dreamworld and Freddy doesn't seem like the kind to take naps, so a guy's gotta have a hobby...

There were far more toys than this, comic books, video games (you think I just made that image at the top there?!), AND MORE! Freddy was a licensing MONSTER in the '80s and everything has his face on it at some point, almost all of it pointed right at kids. Kids who turned out normal.

Halloween Safety

We've already learned that Halloween is probably the most deadly night of the year, what with razors in candy and poisoned apples, but also demons are on the prowl and kidnapers are looking everywhere for new children to abduct! Really just a horrible day for anything that doesn't involve dying.

So, luckily Centron Films made an instructional video in 1977 to ease our fears and guide us away from death on this most deadly of nights.

Not only will you learn such lessons as making sure not to trip over your costume if it's too long, but also that masks lead to nothing pleasant and should be thrown away in all situations, just to be sure. The take-away is that it's best to dress up and simply stay home because the world is a scary place and everything will hurt you given half the chance.
The PotatoBlog is for learning, so I give you Halloween Safety:



Or you can watch the updated, Second Edition if 1985 is more your speed. Gotta stay up-to-date.



Be safe out there, kids.

Is that a Monster in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

For those of you who weren't aware, I have nearly every Monster in my Pocket figure ever made. Also, for those who weren't aware, in the early '90s there was a collectible miniature toy series called Monster in my Pocket. Probably the most awkwardly named toys of all time in retrospect.


(Monster Mountain)

Starting from simple monsters like Dracula, or a Witch, or even Skeleton, Monster in my Pocket grew to include mythical monsters like the Kraken, and even the Russian Baba Yaga, so not only were we collecting ridiculous M.U.S.C.L.E. ripoffs, but we were learning! Don't think that will ever come in handy? Well, who else do you know that can say after watching Drag Me to Hell, "The Lamia in the movie is not actually accurate to what the historic Lamia was." It was me! I said it, because it was true! And I owe this trivial yet amazing knowledge to rubber toys from Matchbox that I still have twenty years later.


(Who's jealous? You. I couldn't even fit them into one picture)

Unfortunately, MimP also taught kids everywhere a warped version of power in how strong each monster was. You see, the toys were printed with a number on their back designating the strength of each monster, so a 25-point Kraken was more powerful than a 5-point skeleton. But where it got weird was when Series 2 came out. Matchbox had to up the ante and give us better monsters, but it seems they'd blown their wad on a couple of the Series 1 monsters! And don't get me started on the Series 3, Super Scary point system. You mean to tell me that the Mad Gasser of Mattoon was stronger than the Catoblepus?! Not bloody likely! Or that the T-Rex was just as strong as a Werewolf? In whose world?!


(Mad Gasser)


(Lamia)

Unfortunately, like all things children enjoy the quality went downhill and desperation set in. The Super Scary series added paint (SUPER SCARY!), but had to dig awfully deep for extra monsters, and after that they started a series of just dinosaurs.

But, in the meantime, there was a MimP video game for the NES, cartoons, and even comic books! Yes, I have the comic books, but I don't still have the game. There are a handful of toys I will never throw away and MimP is one of 'em. These are going to my kid someday.

To end this monster toy bonanza, I present you the Monster in my Pocket cartoon:

The Big Scream

Pillsbury Halloween Awesome

I made chili last night. I think the freakishly early snow put me in the mood, so when I got off work I started cooking. The thing about chili is that, for some reason, it goes very well with cinnamon rolls. The thing about cinnamon rolls is that Pillsbury makes them, ready-to-bake. The thing about Pillsbury is that they make Halloween cinnamon rolls!


(What my chili may look like)

Unroll the tube until it pops, spread 'em out and bake at 400F for 13 minutes and viola! The best cinnamon rolls from a tube you'll have all day! Now, I know what you're thinking. What makes these cinnamon rolls Halloween? To answer, look carefully at this picture:


(What my cinnamon rolls may look like)

Did you see it? Orange icing. You really can't get anymore Halloween-ish with your cinnamon rolls than that. Orange. Icing.

Pillsbury does, however, get more Halloween-ish with their ready-to-bake foods though. I present to you, Dear Readers, pumpkin-shape cookies!


(What my cookies may look like)

I promise you, these cookies were so scary I had to leave them in the oven for a little too long until they overcooked. Look at that pumpkin. How could it not frighten you? Better eat it quick before it haunts you. But if you leave them in the oven slightly too long and they brown too, I won't make fun of you. It happens.

Stupid Towns are Stupid

Read THIS.

Bobtown has CANCELLED Halloween! They're trying to throw a "party" at the local firehall, but do not want kids trick or treating for safety sake. I say What kind of happy horseshit is this?! I remember trick or treating in the dark when every yard was decorated and every kid was out. Entire neighborhoods would go crazy for Halloween like they do with Christmas. And why not?!

We need a return to the Halloween that I remember. I'm afraid the religious fundamentalism has turned Halloween into something evil and horrible to be avoided at all costs (yes, yes, we all know the roots of Halloween, but how many six year olds really know this and are actively participating in the pagan traditions of the new year, etc. They want candy and to dress up and have a spooky-good time!), and now we're afraid to let our kids go out for fear of razor blades in their candy and idiots like Jack Chick (link goes to "BOO!") have spread ridiculous nonsense like Halloween being Satan's birthday (no, seriously. Read that tract), we don't do it anymore.

Halloween needs to be a community thing. We see entire neighborhoods lit up in agreement for Christmas and it's wonderful. Streets fight with each other over who can put on the best displays and people come from all over town to drive through and look at the lights. Why shouldn't we do the same for Halloween? Children love this day and why deny them what any non-braindead human knows is innocent fun for idiotic fear? All of the things we are collectively afraid of nowadays can be bypassed if communities celebrate Halloween TOGETHER. If parents are with their children, talking to other kids and their parents, not only would it keep those horrible and very unlikely things from happening, but something truly frightening may happen... WE MIGHT GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND BECOME CLOSE-KNIT COMMUNITIES AGAIN!!!! Gasp!

If parents and children are out, active in their community, the negative fears would disappear, knowing full-well who lives where and who was who.

You read this. You live in communities. Talk to your neighbors and get an idea like this started so we and our children can enjoy the safe and fun Halloweens we had. Why deny our children anything we enjoyed so much? And we can improve and tighten our community bonds at the same time. This is a no loss situation, win-win. We are too smart to let our city become a Bobtown.

Stingy Jack

Supposedly, a few hundred years ago, a man named Jack lived in Ireland. Jack was a horrible reprobate, drunkard, liar, thief and all-around scoundrel. He was hated by everyone around him and distrusted, but was so good at his evil skills nearly everyone still fell for his awful tricks. He also happened to be incredibly stingy, a penny-pincher, and never paid anyone for anything if he could help it, and mostly fooled people into giving him things for free.

Well, one day the Devil got word of Jack and his horrible ways, jealous of how evil Jack was rumoured to be and wanted to meet him. Oh, and also take him to Hell.

Jack, of course, could talk just about anyone into anything and even convinced the Devil one last beer before he was taken. The Devil took him to the local pub and Jack drank to his heart's content. Afterward, Jack even managed to convince the Devil to pay his tab! Jack, not having any money, and the Devil not needing any, both were penniless, so Jack convinced the Devil to turn himself into a penny to pay with. When he did, Jack quickly put the Devil-penny in his pocket where he also had a crucifix! Now, the Devil was powerless and stuck. Jack would let the Devil go on the condition that he could live another ten years. The Devil agreed and Jack let him out.

After the ten years passed, the Devil once more came for Jack's soul. This time, Jack asked the Devil for one treat to snack upon on the trip to Hell and wanted an apple from a nearby tree. He again convinced the Devil to help him in his last request and the Devil climbed the tree for the one last meal of Jack's life. But, before the Devil could return to the ground, Jack had covered the base of the tree with crosses and crucifixes, again trapping the Devil! Satan demanded his release from the tree, and this time acquiesced to Jack's request that he never be sent to Hell. The Devil agreed, not wanting to deal with a trickster of Jack's magnitude, and half embarrassed for falling to his silver tongue twice for one soul.

Jack continued to live his rotten life, but the drinking and gambling and lies caught up with him and he died. Meeting St. Peter, he was of course denied admission to Heaven for living such a horrible life of sin. Not allowed into Heaven, Jack went to Hell to ask the Devil for admission so he had somewhere to go. The Devil had to obey their agreement so he couldn't get into Hell either.

Jack was doomed to wander between worlds for eternity, denied admission to the afterlife, but the Devil felt sorry for Jack and gave him a warning to show to others - one burning coal by which to travel eternity. Jack placed this coal in a carved-out turnip and used it as a lantern. From this day on Jack became known as Jack of the lantern. Or, Jack O'Lantern, and we honour him to this day by carving lighted lantern from gourds. When the Halloween traditions came to the US, pumpkins were far more plentiful and handy than turnips and we carve images of Jack and light them to this day.

Stingy Jack is Jack O'Lantern.

"Pardon me, but my soda seems to be haunted."

One thing we can count on every year is Jones Soda bringing out their creepy crop of spooky sodas. Unfortunately, this year's selection is the same as last year's selection. But don't fret, fiends, because they're (mostly) still good. From above, L - R, Lemon Drop Dead, Spooookiwi, Candy Corn, and Buried Pomegranate. Mostly? I don't know. Maybe all of them to you, but does anyone actually like candy corn?

I'm partial to the Spooookiwi because it tastes like sucking on an Apple and Watermelon Jolly Rancher at the same time.

Next in line we have A&W Root Beer, Sunkist Orange, and 7-Up with their mini-cans.


(You can buy 7-Up if you want to see the can. I think it's nasty)

And what makes these guys so special? After all, it's just the same ol' soda with a scary can right? Pretty much, mostly. But...


(AAAGGGHHHH!!!!)

COLOR CHANGE GHOSTS!!! Did you see that. Look carefully. It's so realistic. Just like a real ghost, it's very subtle. It goes from light blue to slightly less blue!

Don't get scared! It's just a can, and it's not really haunted! It's just the color-change technology we got from the Coors' beer cans. It does taste an awful lot like Halloween, though.